|
FARMYARD NOISES 1/11/2004
SCHOOLTEACHER TO A CLASS OF SIX YEAR OLDS TODAY WE ARE HAVING
A MUSIC LESSON HAVE WE ANY VOLUNTEERS TO FORM A BAND WITH
THAT 4 PUT THIER HANDS UP SO THE TEACHER GIVES ANNA
A GUITAR PETER A DRUM AND DAVID A TRIANGLE THEN SHE COMES
TO LITTLE JONNY WHO SAYS I CAN'T PLAY ANYTHING MISS
BUT I CAN MAKE FARMYARD NOISES OK JONNY YOU CAN DO THAT TEACHER
SAYS SO THE GO TO THE FRONT OF THE CLASS. ...
0 Comments,
56 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
SAM(jokes) 1/6/2004
Q: What did Mary Poppins tell the chef after dinner?
A: "Super cauliflower cheese, but eggs were quite
atrocious!"
0 Comments,
46 Views,
39 Votes
,1.69 Score
|
|
SAM(jokes) 1/6/2004
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher quit his job?
A: Because he could not control his pupils!
<br>
Q: Why did the nurse go to art school?
A: Because she wanted to learn how to draw blood!
<br>
Q: What type of cereal do snowmen eat?
A: Frosted flakes!
<br>
Q: What type of horses go out after dark?
A: Nightmares!
<br>
Q: What do greedy fish ...
0 Comments,
77 Views,
34 Votes
,2.43 Score
|
|
Liquor labels 1/4/2004
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American
liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion
that the following warning labels be placed immediately
on all varieties of alcohol containers:
<br>
_____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
<br>
_____ WARNING: The consumption of ...
0 Comments,
53 Views,
136 Votes
,8.82 Score
|
|
Dying Wish 1/4/2004
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent
and his Lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they
were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room,
the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to
sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands,
sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
<br>
For a time, no one said ...
0 Comments,
65 Views,
79 Votes
,8.17 Score
|
|
too late for school 1/2/2004
runing in the street, two young schoolgirls are hurrying...
good luck for them, before a red light, a mature highclass
woman offers them a lift to the school... Saved !!!
On the way the youngest is playing with the mini-workshire.
-"Very nice dog, hey ? very expensive too, but
for me one hour blow job..."
The two girls seems to be very surprised...
The oldest is staring to the ...
0 Comments,
133 Views,
36 Votes
|
|
Wabbits 12/30/2003
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest
little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle
wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees,
so that he's on her level, and
asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and
fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown
wabby over there?" She in turn puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and ...
0 Comments,
64 Views,
80 Votes
,8.16 Score
|
|
An inspired conclusion 12/30/2003
Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered
for centuries, but now we know: If you put a woman on a pedestal
and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male
chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework, you're
a pansy. If you work too hard, there's never any time
for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing
bum. If she has a boring repetitive job ...
0 Comments,
97 Views,
69 Votes
,8.99 Score
|
|
Town Gossip 12/30/2003
Joan, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of
the
town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's
business. Several local residents were unappreciative
of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their
silence.
<br>
However, she made a mistake when she recently accused
George, a local man, of being an alcoholic after she saw
his pickup ...
0 Comments,
98 Views,
50 Votes
,8.19 Score
|
|
How to make LOVE!!! 12/18/2003
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
<br>
Ingredients:
<br>
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, ...
0 Comments,
57 Views,
101 Votes
,7.96 Score
|
|
Drummers 12/17/2003
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriends?
<br>
Homeless
0 Comments,
36 Views,
23 Votes
,3.01 Score
|
|
Christmas with Louise 12/17/2003
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was
for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking
the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,
although Jay's ' stockings were overflowed,
his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
<br>
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put ...
0 Comments,
163 Views,
66 Votes
,8.45 Score
|
|
Michael Jackson 12/16/2003
Q: How do you know when its bed time at Michael Jackson's
house?
<br>
A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
0 Comments,
98 Views,
64 Votes
,4.66 Score
|
|
Michael Jackson 2 12/16/2003
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson
and Grayhound racing dogs?
<br>
A: The Grayhound's wait for the hare to come out first!
0 Comments,
26 Views,
51 Votes
,4.61 Score
|
|
One fine day 12/10/2003
Three co-workers, a blonde, a burnette, and a redhead are
all tensely watching the clock and waiting to go home. An
hour before quiting time they notice their female supervior
leaving.
"Well that figures!" exclaims the brunette,
"That's the third time this week!"
"Yeah, " answers the blonde, "It's
not like we can just leave when we want to."
The redhead thinks a minute, and then ...
0 Comments,
99 Views,
48 Votes
,7.32 Score
|
|
You might be a redneck if ............ 12/1/2003
You Might Be A Redneck If...
<br>
<br>
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
<br>
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
<br>
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
<br>
You have a relative living in your garage.
<br>
Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
<br>
...
0 Comments,
70 Views,
55 Votes
,6.25 Score
|
|
An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African ... 11/27/2003
An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar
one night, having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws
his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass
to pieces and says: "In Sath Efrika our glasses are
so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one
twice."
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer,
throws his glass ...
0 Comments,
117 Views,
78 Votes
,8.10 Score
|
|
How Much More "Protection" Do You Need? 11/15/2003
A man and woman went on a date, and the date very well.
The man invited the woman into his place, and they started
kissing.
<br>
When things got a bit too hot and heavy, the woman called
time out. "Tom, " she said, "do you have
any 'protection'?"
<br>
Tom said, "I have a black belt in karate, an Uzi, a
shotgun, a rifle, and a German Shepherd. HOW MUCH MORE ...
0 Comments,
58 Views,
54 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
What a submissive definately does not want to hear from a Dom(me) 11/7/2003
What a submissive definately does not want to hear from
a Dom(me)
<br>
* Oops!
<br>
* Uoh, I could have sworn I had a key her somewhere...
<br>
* You didn't really need that right?
<br>
* Which end of thsi thing do I insert there?
<br>
* Don't worry, there is bound to be a locksmithopen
at 3AM
sunday morning.
<br>
* ...
0 Comments,
58 Views,
74 Votes
,5.83 Score
|
|
Can You Hear Me Now? 10/31/2003
An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his
wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he
called her doctor to make an appointment to have
her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment
for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's
a simple informal test the husband could do to
give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.
<br>
<br>
...
0 Comments,
61 Views,
190 Votes
,7.90 Score
|
|
fisting any one 10/18/2003
3 women were sitting in a bar. The first woman said “my partner
can stick his whole hand inside me.” The second woman said
“my partner can stick his whole head inside me.” The third
woman said “that’s nothing”...and she start sliding down
the bar stool.
0 Comments,
91 Views,
96 Votes
,5.66 Score
|
|
Kiddie Blond Joke 10/3/2003
Problem: a blonde girl with a loose tooth.
Sulution: draw a cock on a rock!
0 Comments,
49 Views,
82 Votes
,0.31 Score
|
|
You Might Be A Redneck Master If.... 9/26/2003
You might Be A Red Neck Master If...
If the floor of your dungeon is covered with oil slicks and
grease stains, you just might be a redneck master.
If your idea of fetish gear is camouflage pants, NASCAR
t-shirt, and baseball cap, you just might be a redneck master.
If the only submissive you play with is also your wife, your
sister, and your aunt, you just might be a redneck master. ...
0 Comments,
48 Views,
92 Votes
,2.43 Score
|
|
Honeymoon Parrot 9/24/2003
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and
taken it to their
room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird
kept up a running
commentary on their love-making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened
to
give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
<br>
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't
close a
...
1 Comments,
78 Views,
76 Votes
,7.73 Score
|
|
New Partner 9/24/2003
A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf
every day.
First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round
and soon
catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman
and, as he
catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she's very
attractive. He's
interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round
together. She
agrees and a very ...
0 Comments,
89 Views,
45 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Dead or Alive 9/24/2003
GENUINE COURT TRANSCRIPT...
<br>
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was ...
0 Comments,
76 Views,
48 Votes
,7.25 Score
|
|
Pain Machine 9/24/2003
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth,
and the doctor
told them that he had developed an experimental machine
and asked if they
would like to try it out. He explained carefully that the
machine could take
some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it
to the father. Both
the mother and father thought that this was a wonderful
idea and decided to
...
0 Comments,
91 Views,
154 Votes
,8.27 Score
|
|
Making a baby 9/24/2003
Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the
park one sunny
afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance
away,
Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy,
what are they
doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking,
"Why , their
making a puppy."
<br>
Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get
a glass ...
0 Comments,
96 Views,
59 Votes
,7.23 Score
|
|
Husbands' Performance 9/24/2003
Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands'
performance as a lover.
<br>
The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage
counselor. He
always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like
that."
<br>
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle
mechanic. He likes
to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like ...
0 Comments,
50 Views,
51 Votes
,6.59 Score
|
|
The Drinking Irishmen 9/24/2003
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints
of Guinness
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each
on in turn.
When he finished them, he comes back into to the bar and orders
three more.
<br>
The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat
after I draw it; it
would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, ...
1 Comments,
68 Views,
52 Votes
,7.70 Score
|
